i think my mom watched the whole time
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
