Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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