Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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