I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
