Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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