Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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