I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
