The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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