Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
