Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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