mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
