Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
