No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
