guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
