Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
