I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to make out with him forever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
