Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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