I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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