she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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