It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
bring money and cleavage
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
