dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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