can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize