I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
