saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cannot find my penis.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
