we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
