saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
