why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
