so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
