My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
