im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
