She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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