Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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