I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
