you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
