You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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