how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
