farters have to be the big spoon...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
