I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize