haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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