Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
