you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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