you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
