doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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