M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
