i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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