we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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