i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
