he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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