I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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