I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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