whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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