i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
