so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
