alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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