I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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