I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
