You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
