He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
