this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
