I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
