Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
