There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
