I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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