he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
