he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
