This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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