We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
