i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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