Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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