So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
