dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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