Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
