Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you win again, gameday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
