Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
