I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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