I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
