I feel like abortions should bother me more
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
