So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
