I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
