My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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