i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
