..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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